Knowing the correct funeral etiquette for a loved one’s funeral can be hard to navigate. Whether you have been to many funerals previously or if you are due to attend your first one, each funeral is different as well as the reasons that you are attending. This can be daunting and make you feel quite isolated, especially as there are so many components that make a funeral: Eulogies, memorial services and how to show respect when being supportive.

Feeling like this is normal and often not helpful when you are already trying to process the passing.

How to show support on the lead up to a funeral:

Offering help with any of the logistics before the funeral can mean a lot, depending on who you are there to support. The next of kin (who will most likely be arranging the funeral) will be overwhelmed and feel drained. Offering support in any ways that will be productive and try to take even the tiniest bit of pressure off the person arranging can make such an impactful difference.

Should Children Come to the funeral?

Taking children to a funeral is completely at the parent’s discretion, it is not advised that you take along young children such as babies or toddlers as they may cause disruption of the service, especially if it is a long one. If you do decide to take older children, it is a good idea to prepare them beforehand by explaining to them what to expect.

What to Say at a Funeral: Words of Comfort and Support

Knowing what to say and what not to say at a funeral can be tricky, as most people worry about saying the wrong thing and upsetting the people around them. Rather than treading on eggshells, make sure you offer words of compassion, that are genuine. Keeping it simple is often the safest option. Saying things such as ‘My thoughts are with you’ , ‘I am sorry for your loss’ . Just remember that you being present at the funeral speaks volumes, so there is no need to put as much pressure on what you think you should be saying.

Whatever you do, try to avoid saying things that could be taken as a negative view of the loss. Phrases such as ‘They’re in a better place’, can be taken the wrong way. Silent support is often the most favoured during bereavement, when they know you are there and love them and that they can rely on you. Offering advice is often not received nor the most empathetic way of expressing compassion, no matter your reasoning or belief behind it.

Funeral Guest Etiquette: How to Show Respect Whilst Remaining Supportive

Ensuring you are showing up respectfully and considerate of the occasion is crucial. As a guest it is more important to silently support, respectful behaviour will do the talking for you. Knowing what to wear at a funeral can also be daunting, dressing in darker and conservative wear is the most appropriate. You need to blend in and mirror the sombre feeling of the day. Some funerals are different however and will specify beforehand if they would like bright colours or certain clothing worn. This is usually down to the wishes of the deceased, respecting this decision is also non-negotiable.

When you initially arrive to the funeral, briefly say hello and express your condolences to the close family members. Try to refrain from lengthy conversation as this can overwhelm the bereaving and draw unwanted attention.

During the service stay silent and present. Go along with any traditions, rituals or prayers that the family may have in place to show respect for their beliefs and religion. When you walk into the service you always follow in after the immediate family and the coffin, unless stated otherwise. Sometimes in church family members take their seats and the procession follow in last. Immediate family and close friends sit on the first few rows, so finding a seat behind is appropriate. However, if all seats are taken you can stand round the sides as long as you are not obstructing the view of others or too close the front.

End of Service

When the service is ending, the minister/clergy will exit, and everyone will stand to show respect. Depending on the service, the coffin will either be hidden by a curtain or lowered into the ground.

Following the funeral there is often a wake, this is traditionally meant to celebrate the passing of the loved one and remember their legacy.

Sharing a memory or a story at the wake can be positive and reassuring for their family and friends.

If you or a loved one is suffering grief and you think they are coping in an unhealthy way. Please get in contact with the below:

Cruse Bereavement Care at 0808 808 1677

https://www.bereavementadvice.org/  – 0800 634 9494

Find a GriefShare group meeting near you – Worldwide directory of support groups for people grieving the death of a family member or friend. (GriefShare)

If you are feeling suicidal, please call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.

To read our previous blog about how you can support a grieving loved one, please click here https://www.jamesgilesandsonsltd.co.uk/how-to-support-a-grieving-loved-one/